it goes round and round
the feeling of despair
of frustration
of not having anything
and just being no one

scarred
broken
livid
disillusioned

she once was whole
you tore her apart

she had dreams
wide and far
yet you let fear in
made doubts your comfort

she was shattered
she cried out
you lent not a single hand
the shattered pieces
you crushed them to dust

you were then young
vulnerable
but you grew up

she was happy
thinking that you’ve grown wise
that you’ll decide
to break out of the shell you’ve created

but you nurtured your shell more
became hardened and impenetrable
but she stood ground
patiently waiting for you to realize
that you’re worth is far greater
than you set yourself to be

it’s time
she said
to look at a mirror
see yourself
and look at what you’ve become

tired
lost
confused

as you look at the piece of glass
she looks back at you
she.. your own pained soul
tries one last time to reach out

telling you to break your shell
start anew
to take the so called
road less travelled
and if all roads are blocked and unpassable
make a new road of your own
a way for you and for others too

you then raise your fist
hit the glass
felt the pain
your hand is bleeding
it hurts
but you know
that she is hurting more

… to be continued — Is redemption worth all the cost? (black hole series : 2 of 3)

Running around

Playing tag

I jumped

landed

and suddenly tripped

Skinned my knee

Broken my ankle

A person in front of me

Pointed a finger

at my already stricken face

and laughed

How foolish of me

Tried not to break,

swore to get right back

Running again

playing pranks at the other

Climbing up the steps

skipping down

A test of strength and speed

climbing up

and down

up and down

up and…

falling down

thug. thug. thug.

went his butt

on cement stairs

all the way down

pride bruised

backside sore

clenching his teeth

hiding the pain

how clumsy of him

Pointing at his pained face

i laughed

He got up

ran after me

and swore his own vengeance

At tails end

a pact of loyalty

a smile of amity

begets one of the basic entities

someone to point at

and laugh with

an ally, a comrade

a partner in all chid crimes

friends

putting it simply

*****PSs*********
reminscing those days where we once were children
never cared much for anything but games and play
or little bickering with neighbor playmates
(and sometimes with adult participation when the need arises..
ahhahaa…mao ning mki.join na ang mga inahan/tigbantay sa mga binata nga away)
and creating friendships in the most odd circumstances..
ahhaa..those were really good times…

on a rather serious note..
hahay..
let’s not forget those times
when it was so easy to forgive a playmate,
whether we know them or not
let’s be the child we once were
when dealing with how others have wronged us..
and so we can just live the life
laugh all we want
and make the best of days everyday!!!!

celebrating life!!!!

Opened arms
Awakend hearts
Freed mind
Bared soul

Blessings from Thee
We claim
As ours
For family
For friends
Even for strangers
More so for enemies

The best of the land
Unnoticed
Waiting
To be taken
To be cared for

Here we are
We kneel
Seeking penance
Awaiting grace

Him,
the One among our midst
Looks at us
Sets the plan
Decides the time
Selects the fruits
Delivers on cue

We receive
Bow and give thee thanks
A promise to nurture
Multiplying the gift an nth fold

Smile
Look ahead
Continue the journey
with Him
and be blessed

you and me

little grains

clustered together

independent

windswept to shore

yet remains the same

still sand

not loosing form

not loosing spirit

free of burdens

it circles and comes back

still sand

** para lng naa ma.post..ehehe.. luoya..ahhaha

======================================
in fairness, g.pressure ko pghimu ani..hala cge go..
here it is.. i may or may not revise this..
there are still lots of lined-up installments for this one..
======================================

There i was….
Still, here i am…

in a strategic location
where i alone can watch him pass by
and seeing him just once a day is enough

if this is a basketball game,
he earns points everytime he passes by
i catch him sometimes looking my way
oh, how i wish that he was really looking for me
and only me

but the irony of things!
when he’s near,
i run away
he looks at me,
i look away
he “tries” talks to me
and i “try” not to blush
and make a fool out of myself….

he keeps me from being late
for i wake up early just to be the first one to see him
am i really nuts? hahaha
i don’t want him to know i like him
i still have my sense of propriety and traditionality in a way

i thought i will be content by the sidelines
or am i really?
but everytime he passes by
my yearning for him just grows stronger

yearning to know him better
so that i can tell myself if all the time and feelings i have invested are valid
that i am feeling all of these for a reason
that i endulge myself in little treats like glimpses of him
that i am hoping that i will be his someone special someday..

i can’t believe myself!
this is not me..
it was just a simple encounter
yet it amounted to this….

crazy
unexplainable
but it feels so good and right

… as of the moment…

i’ve never really known the title of this song..
but i knew how the song goes..
i was reminded of this when one of my friends requested this song to be sung in one of the singing sessions..ehehe
and since then, i had an LSS (Last Song Syndrome) on this one..
went on for about a week..

though the song is not really a happy one
but it may remind us of a moment in our lives when
for no reason at all (it may seem at that point in time),
we let our heart foolishly beat…we then foolishly allowed ourselves into the feeling..
awww…. that was then.. we learn much better now..
but though it was once foolish,
the beat is still alive..

so sentimental me..ehehe..
anyways, one of my friends can relate
(the same friend where my first fic is dedicated..ehehe..)
so this one’s dedicated to her and every one of us ‘once’ foolish lovers..

Foolish Beat
Debbie Gibson
====================
Verse 1:
There was a time when
Broken hearts and broken dreams
Were over.
There was a place where
All you could do was
Wish on a four leaf clover.

But now is a new time
There is a new place
Where dreams just cant come true.
It started the day when I left you

Chorus:
I could never love again the way that I loved you
I could never cry again like I did when I left you
And when we said goodbye,
Oh the look in your eyes
Just left me beside myself without your heart
(without your heart)
I could never love again now that were apart

Verse 2:
When I was sorry
It was too late to turn around (turn around)
And tell you so.
There was no reason
There was no reason
Just a foolish beat of my heart.

Chorus

Bridge:
Oh, cant you see Im not fooling nobody
Dont you see the tears are falling down my face
Since you went away
Break my heart, you slipped away
Didnt know I was wrong
Never meant to hurt you now youre gone

I could never love again now that were apart.
(now that were apart)
I could never love again now that were apart.

**********************************************************************************
my friend’s persistent.. so i had to post this one..
in all my boredom (docs are ok, but boring to a point..ehhee), i just doodled on this one
friend, enjoy..ehehe…
**********************************************************************************

in a space where i sit by myself,
lost in my own world…
secluded by all the noise and all of humankind…
kind of exaggerated huh?
but that’s how it was.. at least, to me
i did my own thing and so did  the people around me
all these times, i wasn’t bothered by passers by..
people can just pass by me without me turning my head to give them a look
or acknowledging that “yes, i noticed you passing by me”..

being the independent and sometimes indifferent person that i am..
my days just went by so uneventfully ..
out with friends for some coffee..
or just going home early to catch some needed sleep or go online..
nothing special..

but you see, one day, one game surprised me and took my breathe away..
someone got my attention and later on my heart…

ten pumped up males all geared up..
then the ball bounces on the floor and back into their skillful hands..
feet on rubber soles skid across the room trying to get to the hoop..
hard-earned sweat trickles on faces hoping to win
trying to gain ahead of the opponent..

oh, he was just one among the many of them…
i knew him by name..
i knew he was admired by some of the most wanted females…
even so, i looked at all of them, enjoying the battle of speed and skill..
trying hard with my uncooperative eyesight to see the highlights..

and all of a sudden.. my eyes of poor sight zeroed in on him…
how it happened, i didn’t know…it just did..
he was not a poor player..
nor was he the most valuable player…
and yet..
and yet..
he then became the only defender.. the only attacker..in my eyes
anywhere in the court, i see him even when he’s not holding the ball..
the realization hit me like i was being dunked in the ring
my logical mind tried to analyze the why, the how..
yet my mind can’t come up with answers
my heart chose right there and then to like him
it was just a little silly admiration..
or so i thought

***************************************************************************************************
dedicated to my friend ..  i’ve already asked permission so this entry is legit..ehehe
hopefully, she’ll enjoy reading this..ehhee..
this is the beginning and i’ll see how i’ll get through to continuing and finishing this little dedication..
here you go…….
***************************************************************************************************

“how did he do it?
how did he suddenly get my prized attention that even the guys that obviously liked me didn’t get?

how come he’s just passing by?
how come i’m doomed as an onlooker?

i’m hooked
i’m paralyzed in my seat
i’m affected by all the little things that he did without him knowing..
i could only let my eyes stare at him
i’m feeling pathetic
wondering if he will ever notice me..

he knows my name
i know his name
but he doesn’t know me
and i don’t know him
will he ever know?
will i ever stop wondering?”

at times she’s quiet
at times she’s full of talk
at times she’s cranky
at times she’s a joy
these are the times
memories so full
one grandchild can only recall

way past midnight and yet she’s still awake
always looking for people
asking for something to eat
begging for a change of clothes
requesting for some companionship
why aren’t you sleeping?
the grandchild queries..
rest is what you need
and yet she raises her brows
looks at the grandchild with glazed eyes
saying nothing
yet conveying more

her body is in need of sleep
her soul is in need of affection,
fulfillment and love she so badly wanted
yet failed to have on those past 70 years
she really need not ask
yet some of her kin failed to understand
refused to see past the woman they call “nanay”
the “nanay” who never complained when they rebelled
the “nanay” who always understood their misfortunes and misgivings
the “nanay” who quietly cries when her children fight against the other

a grandchild, young and helpless watches her
hears her silent pleas
that peace befall upon them who seek chaos
sees her pained face
that reflects the scars ingrained through time
feels her transgression
that she could have done more
but it still wasn’t enough

and the grandchild gradually understands
that “nanay” has come full circle
eyes heavy
she clings on to the light
that as the secondhand on the clock moves
she struggles to remember images of long ago
holding on to it, hoping that all that had gone wrong
may find time to make it right
that she may not remember the names
yet she remembers how her heart was at that moment

she then went Home, to Him that awaits her
so that she can smile without worry
so that she can breathe without burdnen
that her soul be content
that her body be healed
and that at the end of everyday
sleep will not elude her..

hey gran!
sleeping well?

summer..
it comes but once
in a year of ’round three months
where children rest their books
and kites come off the hooks
when young adults don their water suits
marks the day when fun is just a hoot

sun’s supposed to shine brightest
wind’s supposed to rush farthest
but now where summer’s here
rain came; unsought.. how queer